Confidence… it has become a sparse thing. People feel they need to compensate for everything and if they don’t, they’re not good enough. I feel it is particulairily affecting a lot of women. So yesterday I was in the sauna and I love eavesdropping on people (come on, you do it too!). Two girls came in and started talking loudly as if they were at a coffeeshop, in Swedish. So sometimes it’s too fast for me to understand, but I understood most of what they had to say. One of them had just stood on the scale and was talking about how disappointed she was she hadn’t lost any weight. Might I add, she was gorgeous, a bombshell! But her confidence was severely lacking. I listened on for a little bit more about their holidays and boy-stuff before I went out for a nice refreshing cold shower (remember, after the sauna it’s ice-cold water! You don’t want to be getting those headaches!)
While I stood there, it got me thinking about confidence. First of all, I think it’s a rather bad idea for a gym to have scales. Isn’t the whole idea about a gym to be active and fit, not about being skinny? I often see ladies go on there after they’ve slaved themselves for an hour, drank a liter of water to hydrate in the meantime, or ate just before coming to the gym. And then they go on there with such high hopes, only to see disappointed faces and selfloathing in the mirror. Honestly, this is so toxic! You really don’t want to feel bad about your workout, you should enjoy it and have a euphoric feeling when you leave. You did it!
Other than that, I thought about confidence in the form of self-pride and what it can achieve for you and your outlook on life. I’ve never heard of a wallflower making it to the boardroom. I’ve never seen a performer standing in a little corner with their guitar. No, they’re centrestage, they’re at their place and own it! I’m not saying you should aim for unachievable goals (are there any? dream big!) but have confidence with it when you do.
Whatever you do, be proud of it. Be proud of yourself.
“Yeah, Ellen, that’s easy to say, but actually ‘being’ is different!”. Everybody has something they don’t like about themselves, everybody! Even the Jessica Biels and Matthew McConnaugheys out there. But you know what, your mother didn’t spend 9 months growing you, and a large portion of your life nurturing you, for you to hate your body. Embrace it, own it, flaunt it! I also at times feel chubby, bloated or hate the dimples on my thighs, but there comes a time when you have to accept it. Things I’m proud of? My (recently developed) perseverance, impromptu ideas, my boobs (yeah, I said it) and my curls. I work out on average 4/5 times a week and try to eat healthy, that’s the best I can do for my body. I mean, yeah when you see those supermodels in the magazines, they look amazing, but then I think, well do they have a higher education like I do? Probably not. Not insinuating they’re stupid, they’ve just chosen different paths in life. Everybody had their own qualities, embrace diversity.
I myself for example would like to be more assertive, I can become really shy when I’m surrounded by extrovert people. My personality just shuts down. People sometimes mistake this for arrogance, which I assure you, it is not. I like it when people are who they are and have this fierce attitude around them. I then wish I could steal a little bit of them and add that zest to my personality.
There is more to confidence than a lean body (granted it’s nice to have, but you’ve worked hard for it, which in itself is an achievement to be proud of). Overall it’s about being healthy, and most importantly feeling good about yourself. If you want something work for it, work hard for it, and be proud of the work. If you’ve truly done you’re best, there’s nothing but pride and confidence. As of late I’m really coming more into my own. In the past I have felt not being fun enough ‘cause I don’t party every week, or not skinny enough to continue balletschool or felt I had to overcompensate for being an only daughter. These are thoughts I created, no one else, it was my dark ‘me’ and it was getting me down. All these spiders in your head are toxic, and if people feed them discontinue your relationship with them, or distance yourself from them. It’s really not worth it if it’s hurting you. Positive reinforcement and personal courage is what will make you comfortable. Then, a healthy mindset, pride and confidence can arise.
TRUE HEALTH happens on every level – Physical, Emotional and Spiritual. Important things like having a life you love, people you love, most importantly SELFLOVE and being able to function and have fun in your work, your friendships and intimate relationships. Being comfortable with yourself will soothe your mind. Health isn’t just about having abs…
How has your confidence changed over time? For the better or worse?
And what have you done to improve your selflove?